I was brought up in a city in India and my childhood was traumatic. I lost my dad to a heart attack when I was 10. I came to believe due to my mom’s upbringing that I will be loved and valued only if I achieve something in life. My mom and my relatives seemed to love and value me more when I achieved something.  The society around me seemed to accept me more when I had good grades than when I was average. As a kid, this went deep into my subconscious and I started believing very deeply that I am worthless. If I don’t achieve or have certain things in life that society would consider great, such as academic success, professional success, beauty, name, fame, money, perfect relationships, etc..

So when I was 13, I became obsessed with getting high scores in school to the point where I gave the least importance to my health. I was obsessed with it because I had no self love and I depended on these material successes to feel valued and loved by others. I ate a lot of junk food, slept less and was physically very weak. I suffered with anaemia and my doctors always kept suggesting for me to eat healthy foods to gain weight. I did not pay heed to what people told me about having better health. My focus was only on accumulating material success so that I can impress people around me and make them love and value me. In a nutshell, I was self harming in pursuit of gaining love and worthiness from others when that is supposed to come from within.

When I was 17, my classmates kept asking me about white spots appearing in my face. Later it started spreading in my body and my dermatologist diagnosed it as a skin disease called “Vitiligo” and my world broke apart. For the first time I looked back and saw how much harm I had done to myself all these years. I felt guilty on one hand for causing this to myself and on the other hand, it was hard to accept this. I went into so much fear and anxiety. I was so mentally ill that my grades went down and I was undergoing extreme pressure from my school to perform well and when I couldn’t, I started hating myself. I kept having negative and depressing self talks about myself. It was unbearable and it was the most difficult period of my life.

When I turned 18, I started finding ways to live through this phase. I had various spiritual experiences which helped me develop unshakeable trust in God. I was looking for ways to heal myself from this illness. My western doctor couldn’t help me out of it because there was no cure for my skin issue in western medicine. I did not give up because by now, I had gained so much trust in God that I accepted however the way life was for me and I learned to take care of my health in a better way. My anaemia was finally cured due to my healthy eating habits. I was no longer hurting myself physically. However mentally, I was feeling low about myself because of the way I was being treated by the people around me. I was looked at like an alien by people because of the white spots on my body that seemed to disgust and intimidate some people. So I refused to go out of my house and stayed locked in my room for a long time.

I felt like running away from the place I was so many times but something in me believed that things will somehow get better. I had a hope and huge faith in God so I kept living even though I didn’t really want to.

Before my 19th birthday, I found out about Dr. Naram after watching Dr Clint G Rogers Tedx Talk about him. It was a complete miracle in itself because Dr. Naram was the only one who said I could heal completely from my health issue. All the other doctors I met before him were always doubtful about my chances of healing. 

I contacted Dr. Naram’s team of assisting doctors and started taking his herbs and home remedies to heal myself. I gained inspiration from others who went to Dr. Naram for the same health issue as mine and had a complete miraculous recovery. I felt good about myself for holding on long enough to find a way out of my problem and this increased my faith in God and made me stronger and happier as a person.

Then a few months before my 20th birthday, another miracle took place. I met both Dr. Naram and Dr. Clint G. Rogers in Mumbai, India and it was the best experience in my healing journey. I went home feeling so much love, hope and positivity. Dr. Clint G. Rogers gave me his book “Ancient Secrets Of A Master Healer” to read when I met him and I spent the next 2 weeks reading the book 2 times. During the time of reading this book, a major and a beautiful shift in my life happened. I finally saw the importance of loving and accepting myself completely including my white spots. A month before my birthday, I embraced and accepted everything about me. I was OK to have these spots for the rest of my life. I loved myself so much now that I was comfortable walking with these spots in the streets without bothering me about what people would think of me. It was a big deal for me considering the amount of time I had spent in my life self harming and not choosing to love myself.

In the following months, I read the book three more times and each time I saw changes happening not just in my physical level but also mentally. I am now more positive and optimistic than before. Some of my white spots closed down or got back to my normal colour after following the recommendations of Dr Naram and the book helped me accelerate my healing process because of the positivity, hope and love that emanated from each miracle healing story that Clint shared in this book. 

I am now a transformed being. I no longer run behind material success. Health, self care and self love is now my top priority. I am happier and at peace with myself because my core belief due to my childhood traumas that I am worthy only if I have certain things in my life has changed. I now strongly believe and I am very confident about this truth that my worth doesn’t depend on anything outside of me. I am worthy as such. So in a way, I believe this health issue I suffered with taught me how to love myself. It was a blessing in disguise and I am thankful for it.

 

Amrutha

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